Friday, July 31, 2009
A New Chapter/Terrified
Okay, so summer is winding down, and as I work on my summer reading projects for my AP class... it hits me. Next year is my last year at FBCA. Ordinarily that wouldn't be a big deal, but in May, I will have spent the last 14 years of my life there. All of my childhood friends are gone, and next year I will be moving on to big things in new places... it is a very terrifying thought. In 2 weeks, I will start what I hope will be my last year of education in Texas. I'll be (hopefully) moving to Tennessee, starting over, and beginning a new phase in my life. But now I am brought back to the memories, the things I will be leaving behind. Old friends, new friends, family that I love, a school that has been the only stability in my insane life... all of these thing i'm going to miss horribly. and until now, I didn't realize how terrified I am. Terrified of losing all connections with the people I've grown to love. Terrified of not being good enough. Terrified that this move, this change in my life will be the biggest mistake I will ever make. So for now, all I can do is pray. Pray I get a good job and scholarships to help fund this new step. Pray that those who I hold dear will not be lost because a few hundred miles are between us. Pray that I will find a new church home that has been as helpful to me as mine has been. Pray that this isn't a mistake. Pray that I can succeed, and make a difference for the Lord. Pray that I can make it on my own (knowing that I'll never really be on my own.) I don't know much about how this next step in my life will go, but I do know this: God Loves Me. He gave His son for me. He's saved me from mistakes. He's changed my life and made me whole. He WILL be with me. He will guide me in the way He wishes for me to go. I just hope I am not too blind to see Him when He calls. So for now I just need to prepare for this year... my senior year. Prepare. Pray. and Trust in Him. He will guide me no matter where this crazy year may take me.
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oh, i know how ya feel! with the whole this could be the biggest mistake of my life, but then i realized that if I just pray for God's will to be done through me and my life and I continue to seek after him like I have for the past year I will be fine. So we shouldn't worry about this stuff. Life is but a vapor, and we don't even have tomorrow or the next breath so we shouldn't worry about ruining the rest of our live because honestly we don't have one. (that's no morbid just the truth) So just chill and let him lead you, cause no matter how "messed up" life can get God can use us wherever we're at. OH, and if we do lose ya as a friend because of few hundred stinking mile it'll be our loss cause then we won't be able to see everything God is gonna do through ya until we get to heaven, but God willing that won't happen. I'll still be here to annoy you, and love ya and laugh at ya and all that wonderful friendship stuff. =]
ReplyDeletethanks girl! i've been spending alot of time with Him trying to figure things out.. and pretty much trying to let myself shut up and listen to Him. we're gonna make it together and laugh at eachother the whole time lol =D
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