Injuries and Revelations

For the past 4 years, something has always happened to me. I can no longer keep track of when everything happened in my medical history. However, for the past 2 years, when something has happened, it's caused me to stop. The week I broke my leg, I hadn't stopped moving for days. I had barely stopped long enough to eat. Everything else was more important. Several months later, I got a GIANT splinter (about 3 inches long and 1 and 1/2 cm in diameter) lodged in my foot. Ordinarily a splinter wouldn't be that big of a deal, but this had to be cut out (a process which took an hour and a lot of numbing medication). This splinter occurred during a time when i was physically not doing too much, but mentally, my mind was racing. Every waking moment of my life was consumed with worry, fear, and anxiety. The power had been cut off at my house for a week, and I knew the next thing to go was the house itself. I was staying with my aunt for the time-being and I felt like I was nothing but a huge imposition. My mind raced on and on, far ahead of me, and I was in a panic. The splinter made me stop. I had to backtrack, come back to reality instead of being days, or weeks ahead trying to figure out what was going to happen. Once I stopped, I could feel the Lord begin to calm my spirits, relieve all of my worries. It was the most incredible feeling. When I got back to my aunt's house after having the splinter cut from my foot, I was alone. Everything was quiet and I could feel God moving in me. I took time out and talked to him, prayed for guidance (something I hadn't taken the time to do since the worries started) and was relieved of so much worry. Now, 3 days before the start of my senior year, I find myself back in the same emergency room, my foot soaking in an iodine solution, waiting for the doctor to return and stitch up the deep gash in my ankle. How it happened is still unclear. At my great aunt's house, there is a glass door that no longer stand open on it's own. Every time you come in, you have to get your feet in before the door slams into your heels. Everyone (and I do mean EVERYONE) has been hit by this door before, including myself, and nothing has happened. How the metal frame of this door caught my heel and sliced open my ankle I still can't figure out. All I knew was I immediately fell to my knees, at which point the door returned to cut me once more. I hobbled my way to the back of the house, unaware that I had even been cut, until my flip-flop was so full of blood that it was like a slip-n-slide. Once the bleeding stopped, I cleaned it and my great aunt looked at it the best she could. Then she went to run her errands and pick up some bandages. By this time my mom was on her way over (she had called while I was slipping into my aunt's room and I had told her what happened). When she arrived, saw what my aunt hadn't. There were 2 cuts, and one was very deep. We went to and emergency care center, one that I have frequented in the past 2 years. I was triaged and sent to a room to wait. I couldn't help laughing because, here in the same room (literally the exact same room) I've been put in every time I've come here, it could only happen to me. Only I could have a fight with a glass door and lose, only I could wind up in the same exam room every time I've been to this care center. Only I could have this crazy medical history and still have the most unusual things keep happening. Once I got out of there with my 4 stitches and my numb ankle I went home. I found myself realizing that my worries about senior year, about my future had subsided. For the past week, as I've counted down to what felt like D-day, freaking out about all the things that have to be done, fundraising for senior trip, figuring out where the senior class has decided on going for senior trip, applying to colleges (and finding the money for the application fees), taking the ACT and the SAT, getting a job, finding scholarships, finding a good, reliable car for a relatively small amount of money. The list goes on and on. From financial worries, academic worries, even to friendship and family worries, all of these thoughts and fears have plagued my existence. But now, with the addition of stitches and pain, my mind had stopped once again. This time I found myself laughing because, once again, it took something painful to slow me down and clear out the chaotic noise in my life. But I was disappointed in myself. One week ago I was at x-week, learning how to spiritually refuel. I had felt so moved by the whole experience, and for a few days I found myself stopping, talking to God more. Then came the flood. The incredible tirade. I realized during x-week that Satan was trying to strike me down, planting thoughts and feelings into me that weren't mine. A very dear friend helped me come to that realization and I took steps to send him away. Now, in the quiet of the last night, I realized (finally) that these worries, these fears, had been another attack. An attack that, unlike the previous, had gone undetected. I had allowed him to make me vulnerable and week, I had allowed him to fill the past few days with so much noise that I could no longer feel the peace, the presence of the Lord surrounding me. I was terrified. Thinking it over again, I realized that I was grateful for this injury, for no other reason than it caused me to come back to reality. It caused me to clear out all of the chaos and focus on what was real. I don't know if that was it's purpose or if it was just some freak accident. I don't think the Lord did this to me, but I think He allowed this to happen so I could finally fully grasp and understand that I am vulnerable. Not physically (though apparently I'm pretty vulnerable in the respect too) but spiritually. Now I need to come closer to my Savior, and find the strength to drown out the noise.