A Letter to my Mom

Today in our breakout Bible study groups, our leader told us, "You are going to die before you leave this room. I want you to write a letter to one person, sharing with them how you feel about them, and maybe some wisdom you'd like to share." (Now of course we weren't going to die... but we needed to get into that mindset.) He also told us to take this letter seriously, that he would call on some of us and have us read them to the group. Now the letter itself was a scary subject for me... but the prospect of possibly having to read it to the other students in this group had my heart racing. I debated in my mind about who to write to because, if I wrote to my mom, and did NOT want to read it out loud, but if I wrote to my brother, it wouldn't be as big of a deal. In the end, I sucked it up and wrote this letter to my mom. It was a very difficult letter to write, and I found that half way through it, tears were streaming down my cheeks. No one noticed, except J.J. (the leader). Thankfully, knowing what's been going on in my life he did not make me share my letter with the group. I do however want to post it on here. It is very personal, but what have I posted so far that hasn't been? In reality, (as far as I know) there is only either one or two people who actually read my posts anyway, and both of them know or will be told what's going on anyway so this is truly just a release... so here it is.

Dear Mom,
I just want to tell you that I love you. You have been my everything for so long and you mean the world to me. I know it's going to be hard, but you will survive without me. I know how you've been worried about me leaving for college, and I've told you that I won't be gone forever. This is just like that. Though I may be gone for now, you will have a chance to see me again. God will get you through this, and you still have Zack. You must always remember that God is with you. I pray that you know Him. He has done so much for me and He can do so much for you. He has saved me, forgiven me, loved me, and comforted me. And I believe that He is using me now. Mom, He can be all of that for you too. I know that you think you've been a horrible mom. I know that though I've told you (many times) that I wouldn't trade you for anyone or anything, you don't believe me. But I also know this. Even if you don't believe me, you can believe Jesus. He has forgiven you for all the mistakes you have made. He can make you whole, and I pray that you let Him. I hope you already have let God open your heart and give you peace. If you haven't, I hope that you do. You are SO important to me and I want to see you in Heaven. Momma I LOVE YOU! Please don't ever... EVER forget that! Love always and forever, Your baby girl, Jessy