What are your frescos? Do you know?

Have you ever had a moment when your eyes were open to how short, crazy, and hectic your life is? I had one of those days.
During a Bible study at my school, my leader (and my youth pastor),J.J., told us to make a list of 5 moments in your life that you would want painted for all the world to see (we were talking about the frescos of Paul's life in Basilica of Saint Paul Outside the Walls just outside Rome) We just had to list 5 moments. 5 moments in my 18 years of life, full of memories, moments, big, small, chaotic, beautiful moments. It should be easy right? WRONG! It was the most difficult thing I could do, and I could only come up with 2, 3 if I really stretched.
Now why was this so difficult? During that moment, whilst searching for something, ANYTHING to put down, I realized something. My life is so SHORT. Sure, 18 years is a long time... in some cases. But really, it's not all that long, especially when for upwards of 14 years, you had been going through the motions. Being good, not committing any serious sins, but not walking with the Lord either. Just standing still. Content to stay in one place, never grow, never allow yourself to be moved by the the Mighty One. Literally the first thing I could think of to put on my list was something that happened less than a year ago. Breaking Free 2009, in February, was the point where God grabbed me by the heart and told me, "You need to wake up, stop letting this (major anger I'd clung to for so long) hold you back, COME TO ME. I love you, I have always loved you, I will always love you and I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU! Walk with me, I want a relationship with you!"
Sure, before that I had felt God move, but heard Him, TRULY HEARD HIM speak... that had never happened. It was a wake-up call. God was cleansing me, renewing me, erasing all the painful scars of bitterness, and it hurt. Oh my gosh it hurt, but it was a good pain. A cleansing pain.
Ok so that was my big moment... my number 1 in the story of my life. and it happened 8 months ago. For me, that realization shook my foundation. All I could think was "wow, it's amazing how short life can be.. and how long it seems" I honestly look back now, and I can't really remember life before February, not well anyway. After February, I realized that the church I was attending was not providing a nurturing environment. I was virtually invisible there, and I couldn't walk with God without some accountability from somewhere... invisibility did not easily provide accountability. So I started visiting my friend's church. (this is also the church I had been burned by as a child. not the church itself, but the kids in my sunday school classes. They had treated me like I was worthless, like I didn't belong there, and I felt that if that was what serving the Lord looked like, I wanted no part of it.)
Now, however, I was welcomed with open arms. It started out small, just going on wednesday nights. Then saturday nights got worked in, and now I'm going on sunday mornings too. A gradual process that has been amazing. I have never felt more welcome before, and I have people there that will hold me accountable... people who will tell me flat out "I don't like what your doing. What you're doing is not right" (if I ever mess up and fall away again) and people that will woship with me, pray with me, rejoice with me, fall on their knees with me in prayer, come knee to knee deep in the Word of God.
I have had several wonderful moments since February, and several scary moments too. But I need to remember that I'm not through yet. I feel that the Lord is simply not finished with me yet. The things of my past, my problems, my sins, my tragedies and my pains, they are no more. It's not simply that I can't feel them anymore. They are GONE! Jesus has completely erased them. Or at least He can, if I am willing to let Him. Because that's really the trick. God can do all things, but He will not force you to do anything. It is my choice whether I am healed or broken, loved or lonely. It's all my choice. And I still struggle with that. I still daily have to remind myself that I don't have to do this alone anymore. I have a Father, a Guide, a Friend, a SAVIOR to carry the weight of my sins and problems. I have someone who loves me no matter what I do. He loves me and He made me just as I am. I am not flawed because I have been made in His image. He loves everything that He created in my. My shyness and all the other things I count as flaws, He counts as the special things that make me like no other. I am wonderfully made and beautifully broken in Him. and I think that's the hardest thing for me to remeber.
But let's get back to the point. What are your frescos? I'm still painting mine. I don't know what the rest of this world has for me, I don't know what my future holds. But I know that I just have to surrender every day to God. He knows the things that I don't. He knows the stars in the sky, every grain of sand, and every hair on my head. He knows every decision I will make before I make it, and He knows the consequences of my actions. God knows. All we have to do is trust in Him, because it is His mighty power that helps and guides us, and His amazing grace that saves us.
(I apologize, this blog (like many others lately) has taken on a life of it's own. I chased rabbits I did not intend to chase, but apparently I had some things on my heart that needed to be voiced)